i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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