words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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