my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
