You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
