I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
His hands were made for my vagina.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize