I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
