I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
