So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
