I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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