Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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