his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
