Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
