You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
