What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
