Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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