Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
4 words: hood of his car
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
