Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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