you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
