i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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