i jhust puked up my retainher.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
