I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
