I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize