Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
