You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
