I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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