Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
