I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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