I'm lost and stupid without you.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...