She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
