Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.

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(517): My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance. http://tfl.nu/kmco

Replies (18) Good night (811) Bad night (4632)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?

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(412): do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister? http://tfl.nu/on91

Replies (50) Good night (3359) Bad night (789)
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(917): View more from New York City

I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina

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(917): I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina http://tfl.nu/sexo

Replies (71) Good night (6705) Bad night (881)
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(317): View more from Indiana

So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?

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(317): So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road? http://tfl.nu/ir52

Replies (23) Good night (10058) Bad night (1085)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot

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(508): i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot http://tfl.nu/slrj

Replies (6) Good night (1846) Bad night (1347)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.

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(336): Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other. http://tfl.nu/ei4k

Replies (5) Good night (970) Bad night (2942)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?

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(+44): Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance? http://tfl.nu/duxd

Replies (9) Good night (1148) Bad night (2069)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.

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(701): Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring. http://tfl.nu/lp7n

Replies (4) Good night (2167) Bad night (773)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever

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(+44): I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever http://tfl.nu/y8hk

Replies (29) Good night (2691) Bad night (625)
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(641): View more from Iowa

and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving

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(641): and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/ilw7

Replies (1) Good night (694) Bad night (453)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?

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(902): I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat? http://tfl.nu/t6q6

Replies (5) Good night (884) Bad night (334)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.

(1-978): View more from Massachusetts

Did you sleep with him again?

(978): View more from Massachusetts

No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?

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(978): The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me. (1-978): Did you sleep with him again? (978): No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me? http://tfl.nu/swvn

Replies (5) Good night (432) Bad night (952)
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(706): View more from Georgia

I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4

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(706): I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4 http://tfl.nu/1te5

Replies (7) Good night (320) Bad night (569)
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(330): View more from Ohio

You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.

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(330): You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/9e5o

Replies (2) Good night (467) Bad night (329)
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(469): View more from Texas

That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.

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(469): That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it. http://tfl.nu/pmo7

Replies (2) Good night (528) Bad night (221)

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