Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
