I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.