Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.