he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
