i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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