I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
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He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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