yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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