Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
