Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just threw up on my dentist
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
