listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize