I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
