the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
