im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
