Just cropdusted the office
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
