Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
