i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's never too late to be topless.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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