He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
