a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
