i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
