He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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