I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
