she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
