i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
