If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
