Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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