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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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