false alarm. still invincible.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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