i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize