I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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