And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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