I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
