She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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