Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize