Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
