woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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