matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
