I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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