He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
