Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Couch. On fire.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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