WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
