Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
