Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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