is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
