I wish I only lived at night.
The best revenge is premature balding
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
