Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
