Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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