No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
