hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
