I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
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Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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